The International League of Identity Illuminators: Shedding Light on Who’s Who and Who’s Not

Evolveum is proud to be the first to offer a sneak peek into the new Identity Governance and Administration Glossary published by “The International Consortium of Confusion Identity Controllers”. Please familiarize yourself with the new definitions to make sure we are on the same page:

Access AnxietyThe constant worry that you’ve forgotten your password or lost your access badge, even though you’re sitting at your desk.
Audit AmnesiaA condition where administrators forget to conduct regular audits, leading to security breaches and embarrassing revelations during compliance checks.
Authentication LimboWhen a user gets stuck in a never-ending loop of verification steps, each more absurd than the last, until they forget why they needed access in the first place.
GDPRGeneral Data Prank Regulation – It’s like playing hide and seek with your personal data, but instead of seeking it, everyone’s just pretending they didn’t see it in the first place. Identity governance? More like ‘Identity Guesswork’ – because who needs a concrete identity when you can have a mystery instead?
HIPPA (Hilariously Inadequate Privacy Protection Act)A regulatory framework that aims to protect patient privacy but often leads to unintentionally hilarious breaches due to loopholes, clerical errors, and the occasional fax machine mishap.
Identity Crisis ModeA state of confusion experienced by a system when it can’t decide if you’re you or someone pretending to be you. Usually results in a cascade of authentication requests.
Identity Governance Administration (IGA) InsanityThe comical chaos that ensues when administrators attempt to manage and govern identities, resulting in accidental promotions to CEO or demotions to intern status. May also involve mistakenly granting access to the office plant.
ISO27001 (I Saw 27001 Problems)An international standard for information security management systems that, when misinterpreted, can lead to 27,001 new security vulnerabilities. Often cited as a prime example of bureaucratic overkill.
License Management (License to Laugh)The task of tracking and managing software licenses, which frequently devolves into a comedy of errors involving expired licenses, mismatched versions, and software audits that feel more like stand-up routines.
NIS2 (Not Intentionally Secure)A regulation that inadvertently encourages companies to overlook security measures by providing guidelines that are so convoluted and contradictory that compliance becomes impossible. Results in a surge of cybersecurity comedians.
Password ParanoiaThe irrational fear that someone is constantly trying to steal your passwords, leading you to change them every hour.
Role Mining (Gold Rush for Permissions)The process of digging through organizational roles to unearth hidden access privileges, often resulting in the discovery of forgotten job titles like “Nap Time Coordinator” or “Chief Office Snack Taster.”
Self-Service (DIY Identity Comedy Hour)An option that allows users to manage their own identities and access privileges, often resulting in hilariously misguided attempts to grant themselves CEO-level permissions or accidentally lock themselves out of the system entirely.
Simulations (Simul-hilarity)A tool used to test security protocols and responses, often leading to unexpected outcomes such as simulated breaches triggering real panic attacks among staff or simulated fire drills devolving into impromptu dance parties.
Smart Correlation (Not-so-Smart Confusion)A feature that promises to intelligently link identity data but often ends up creating nonsensical connections, like mistaking your pet hamster for your boss. Results in a comedy of errors and questionable insights.

Happy April Fools’ Day!

1 thought on “The International League of Identity Illuminators: Shedding Light on Who’s Who and Who’s Not

  • Brave first steps into an untrodden landscape. Will be the dominent document in the domain. Kudos.

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